Thursday, April 27, 2017

Modern dating main Q&A

Recently I came across an article written by Melissa Moeller, who writes about modern dating. I find this article so inspiring that I decided to share my thoughts about it. After showing it to my friends we all agreed with the below small essay, but  then we also all agreed that there is nothing to be done about it (as you have to play it cool). Insta, snap, tinder, fb xxxx

As a almost 23 grown up teenager hihi I am pretty much aware of the modern hook up culture. This art of getting the right guy to the bar, crafting the perfect response to a text to make you seem just interested enough but not a despo. why is it all like this? why did everything become fake and boring? is it because of insignificant events in my mind or is it because I react too sensitively to the people with whom I share the world? or maybe the modern dating is just fucked up and lets focus on this part.

tbh I do not really believe in genuine dating anymore. People ask you to HANG OUT and you do so. but then you spend next three days wondering and ignoring, as you are suppose to do. it does not matter what you did, whether it was a movie or sex in a car or you went for a city trip- careful cause you were just hanging out and it was casual, right? Don't bother and think what he/she is thinking or what that evening meant to him/her. why not? because you can not ask, it is not cool. 

I see that we live in the world where people are afraid to feel and show feelings or emotions. they are too scared to show anything genuine. when someone is angry with you, there is no phone call but huge essay on WhatsApp. it is easier to send a passive aggressive text, you can avoid showing your feelings. If you like someone, you don't tell them how you feel, rather act interested enough for them to pick up on it but not enough to freak them out. if you don't play by the rules then you lose. so be careful.

Moreover, do not ask to hangout two nights in a row. if you texted first last time, you have to wait for him/her to text you first. and important: don't double text !!! so yeah, everything is done through texting as it is weird to call someone in the modern world just to have conversation or try to make plans. we are forced to wait for a response that might not ever come

Everything is calculated to appear thoughtless and do not forget not to care too much. For me it is quite difficult to play it, I guess I will faster graduate and pass my finance exam than understand the reason behind modern dating world. 

Another thing is when I like someone. when I like someone I wanna hang out with him and its simple as that, or at least should be. But in this dating culture it is different, as I talk to him too much, I'm needy. if I'm always free when he asks me to hang out, I'm clingy. if he takes 3 hours to respond my text, then I have to multiply the hours waiting, to the power of 2 and then I can text back. 
but then I am wondering, why am I playing this stupid game? why can we call people because we like talking to them, why does showing I care make me needy and despo? I am not this girl and I believe you are also tired of this internet shit. you're tired of this app world. 
lets post Insta together, crop this shit out and show the world how fun people we are. 
but even though we admit it now, online, we will keep acting like the above described behaviours. 

But still remember, you cannot define any relationship because everything is just a casual thing.

But here's actually Melissa's idea : " let's stop being little fucks. respect other people enough to tell them the truth. if someone makes you happy-tell them. if someone inspires you-tell them. if you're not interested anymore- please stop this fucking game and tell them. don't ignore people until they disappear. its time we grow up and stop leaving people hanging with unanswered texts and cryptic social media posts. everyone is human and we are all just trying to understand one another in this messy world" 

Then now my personal advice, be yourself and follow your intuition, dont play with people because karma is a bitch. remember, that some people will only love you as much as they can use you. their friendship ends where the benefit stops. remember when 'thank you' was enough? remember when ' I want you' was enough? 

drama, always

Natalia x 

Thursday, March 2, 2017

ps. GO ! as far as possible, to the weirdest places you can even imagine.

So I was thinking and thinking about the next post, which is the first one after my trip to Colombia, on which I took my best friend with me. It was again very short one as I spent only 10 days in the country. We traveled between Bogota-Cartagena and Cucuta. I could say that this trip was different; I can truly admit that after this one I am even more connected by heart and do not really feel the distance anymore. You all know how in love I am with Colombia and how happy I am when I am there, it is noticeable on every social media post so no need to write about it. However during this stay I felt like I never left, each year I am coming back and forth. Skyping, whatsapping and calling and… missing. Missing it hard and everyday.

When I was leaving Colombia I was not sad, as I knew that I am back in May, for 5 days only but still. But as a 23 year old girl, who gets older and more mature I felt connected like never before, I came to the realization that I need to get there even more by doing my internship or set my first business there.
I feel more, as nothing changed in my relationships with people I love. I am always afraid that one day I might lose it. I felt more connected as I felt like home. But the question is; how many homes can you have? They say that home is where your house is, but now the building means nothing for me. They say that home is where the heart is, but then it means that my heart has to be divided by 3.
Today I spent my day in a city (where my parents currently live) but this city has a sentimental meaning for me, as my first time here was 7 years ago, just before I left to Colombia. In this city I met other people, in my age or bit older who also decided to leave everything in a such young age and explore the world, move to another continent and challenge yourself. With some of them I am still in touch, others I follow on social media… either way I can see how successful these people are and how this challenge changed our life.

It is beginning of March, for some of you it means that your exchange is nearly done.  You spent almost ¾ of the year abroad and probably you cannot imagine coming back home.  As I said before, living in another country or switching countries every few years, change your life forever. You will never be the same and will never see things the same way you did before leaving. I remember how depressed I was when I had to come to Poland from Colombia. No one understood me as no one around had the experience like me. Yet, for those of us who have lived abroad, this is simply the way it is. I remember when I came back and I experienced ‘ reversed culture shock’, which is returning to the place you have lived before you left somewhere else.

I don’t think that there is really any way to describe this feeling and trust me that things will never be the same.  I know that in this period of time many people wonder whether they should spend year/ summer abroad. Whether they should accept internships, which are far away from the comfort zone(home). I know this is very hard. The hardest part is that you are scared that when you come back, things will not remain the same. But… THEY WILL. You will change, not your friends, parents, boyfriends. You may leave for a year and trust me, nothing will change within the city you live but relationship will, for better. Real people will always love you, no matter what and where you are. If you are connected and have this ’spark’ then you both should take care of it. I think that at this point it is also valuable to find out who is real, right?

I promise that you will never want the clocks to be turned back and you will never want to be the person you were before leaving..

As I mentioned before, I am helping many students, parents and other people to take this decision of spending year abroad. I exchange emails mostly with Rotary parents, who are afraid of their children but also advising people, who are scared to get out of their comfort zone. But what I am trying to say and with this sentence I will close this post…

Sometimes it is a struggle to be present in moment, when you want to celebrate the beauty of where you are, rather than long for what you have left behind. But now, for me, home is wherever I find my homies, who I have in Colombia, Amsterdam and in Poland. It is messed up and sometimes it is very hard but I cannot imagine that I live the life, which I lived 7 years ago. And the thing is… we all feel the same. By the end of the day, we all want be around warm hearted and good people. It takes both sides to build the bridge, doesn’t it?

PS. GO ! as far as possible, to the weirdest place you can even imagine. 

Questions? You know how to reach me ( as I cannot say where to find me jaja)